As the parent of three young children, and a school administrator as well, the heat has always been under my collar on Sunday mornings at church. There are many people out there, including several of my own colleagues, who believe that there is no place in church for fussy children. I have heard people close to me ask “Why don’t families split up and attend separately and keep the children at home?” I have heard another say that three and four year olds belong in the nursery.
As someone who has given my life to God and the family life-style that Catholicism promotes, these comments are bitter pills to swallow. In the world of Catholic education we acknowledge that parents are the primary educators of their children. We do so because ultimately, it is the parent’s responsibility to form their child’s soul for the kingdom of heaven. With Godparents and the education we choose for our children, we are enlisting the help and support of others so that we can equip ourselves with all of the best tools available for success in this endeavor. With this in mind, my husband and I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on how we were raised in regards to attending Sunday Mass. Luckily we have similar experiences to draw from. We were both raised in families that attended Mass together every Sunday.
It is a well known school of thought that the best way to form the hearts and minds of our youth is to model the desired behaviors to them. If you want children to grow up compassionate, you have to give them opportunities to witness people showing compassion, and provide opportunities for them to try it themselves. With this in mind, and our own experiences to draw upon, we have long decided that we will stay together as a family on Sundays when we attend church. It is not fun at all for us to manage three children under age nine, all who are just as strong willed as we are. My friend once said to me “I don’t know why I bother getting dressed up on Sundays, what I really need to wear is a pair of sweat pants and tennis shoes!” Rarely do I personally get anything from Mass. I am worried about what others think of my children, what they think of me and how I can get them to behave in a confined space for 60 minutes. Often I find bribes spilling out of my mouth, something I am not proud of. “If you sit here quietly for one more song I will take you to the park to play!”
Both my husband and I have memories of our own poor behavior in church when we were growing up. Todd says he remembers crawling under the pews, and I vividly remember my father dragging me out of church over his shoulder as I screamed “No daddy please don’t spank me!” You who have the luxury to attend Mass as single people, retired people, married couples without children, are blessed in your own way to be able to sit in Mass with clarity and presence of mind. I am aware of your luxury and I try to keep my children quiet for your benefit. Ultimately, however, at this point in my life, attending Sunday Mass is not about me and what I get out of it. Right now it is about my three children, their souls, and what kind of people they will grow up to be.
While my husband and I are not perfect by any means, we were both raised in the Church and have both given our personal and professional lives to it. I can only hope that my own children would be moved as such to do the same. I propose that we all work together to raise the next generation of Catholics. If we are truly Catholics, this means embracing all that a Catholic lifestyle promotes, and Sunday Mass with fussy children may get us all to the Kingdom of heaven a little faster.
Oh, Crystal, I am right there with you. I will never forget one particularly "fun" Sunday morning mass. My two sons were not being particularly quiet. I was doing my bust to keep them in line, but it just was impossible. A kind, older woman a few rows in front of us turned and game me a sympathetic smile. I gave her a withering smile in return. Mass continued. The boys continued to bicker, make noise, etc. The woman continued to turn around and catch my eye. After what seems like an eternity of me scolding, bribing and just praying for mass to hurry-up-already!! the boys made a final outburst. The woman turned around and gave me a very sharp look, which I interpreted to be a "can't you control your children!" look. At this point I was sweating, mad and just frustrated. I got nothing out of mass. I did not feel uplifted, which I often do. I can't remember the sermon, though I am sure there was one, after all every mass does! The boys were not allowed to partake in the after mass coffee & donuts - mainly because I was embarrassed and did not feel like sticking around.
ReplyDeleteWhat I have come to is this: they have to go so that they get in the habit of going. I am quite certain that I did not get anything out of mass other than habit at their age. And at some point they will behave better, then I will begin to be able to get something from mass again.
You are not alone! :)